Growing Up or Getting Old?

My schedule -- basically four eleven-hour days followed by three (mostly) free days -- is getting on my nerves. I don't have enough me-time on those days. I rush from home to school, work all day, maybe go eat, and then go home to sleep.

During this stretch I really miss leisure time, especially on days I work through lunch, which has been most days lately. Yesterday I was up until 2:00 AM reading because I just couldn't go to sleep without doing something for myself.

On the positive side my "to do" list is mostly down to the added-benefit stuff that I usually don't have time for. Soon I'll be able to invest energy in the things I don't always have time for, like our pie-in-the-sky eBay store.

What's really bugging me is that I can't decide if this annoying-but-working schedule is a sign that I'm growing up (wow, organized!) or growing old (bitching about eleven-hour days).

I want everything to be a little easier for a while.

The whole "make your living off eBay" fantasy is very compelling. The only thing stopping me is health insurance. I'm almost planning on my summer classes not making so I can give it a try.

Smart Women Doing Dumb Things

My father's birthday dinner is in an hour and a half. My sister R. isn't going because her husband D. is a little sick, and is acting like a jerk.

I can't believe she's falling for this one! How many times did we see our own mother do this? Forego something she really wanted to do because Dad wanted to sit at home and sulk? Because he wouldn't participate, or wouldn't approve, or because he was just being a shit?

Mind you, I'm not mad at the guy in this situation. Everyone is a shit from time to time.

I'm livid that R. is letting D's moods dictate her actions. She actually told me not to worry, that he would "pay for this." And who does that freaking help? More resentment isn't the answer here.

If her daughter did this R. would plunge ahead with her plans. She would ignore the tantrum, go to dinner and enjoy herself. But since D. is supposedly an adult she's letting him get away with this childish behavior.

She should go to dinner and come home radiant and relaxed. By then D. would be over his little snit, or at the very least be asleep. R. wouldn't feel the need to "make him pay" any longer. It would be water under the bridge the next morning.

I'm happy I avoided marriage. It seems to suck the intelligence out of smart women.

(later)

And, BTW, they aren't freaking going to change!! Use your energy to something useful, like re-landscaping your yard. They're always going to be the negative thing they are right now -- uncommunicative/talkative/slobby/neatnick/mean/gullible -- whatever it is you're stuck with it. If you're very very lucky you might convince them undershirts actually worn under a shirt are in bad taste. Maybe.

(later)

I love it when things go right. It so seldom happens -- I feel the need to celebrate.

Dinner was great -- everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, even the children. I don't see how the Steak and Ale in Arlington stays in business. It's the most run-down-looking restaurant in the area. Sagging ceiling tiles, threadbare carpet, wobbly furniture. I sometimes think their saving grace is the bad lighting combined with the average age and eyesight of their patrons.

After dinner I drove back home, answered a few emails, and played with my floor. I still have that one area to varnish, and I'll do that before the evening ends, but my real goal was to find an easier way to mark off the floor. Last time I used a five-foot ruler, a laser level, an aching back, and over four hours of torture. I knew their had to be an easier way. After thinking about this for, oh, six months, I finally came up with two ideas. The first one seemed too easy. I was sure it wouldn't work. But it did!!

I put a ruler on the floor, and put a piece of blue painter's tape beside it. Then I walked across the room while unrolling more tape. When I reached the opposite wall I put the ruler on the floor and pressed the tape down beside it. Yes, it's that simple. Are the lines perfectly straight? Probably not, but it's good enough for my purposes.

I did about half of the vertical stripes, stopping a few feet from where I need to varnish. Imagine -- if I varnish tonight and spend Friday stenciling and the weekend sealing the stencils I could actually finish my room by Sunday!

Naahh . . . who am I kidding?

Bitch Session

Tonight I had promised myself Tristan and Isolde, but when I saw the amount of work I needed to get through I had to compromise and re-schedule myself for Friday. And I don't really want to work, so I'm compromising again. I've written my to-do list on post-its, along with a bunch of quick, fun stuff I want to try. Every time I finish one not-fun thing I get to do a fun thing. How responsible and grown-up. I think I'll go puke now.

Everything feels very dead-end-ish. I fell like this often, but lately it's worse than usual. It sort of reminds me of my internship from hell. I was working as a photographer for a small-town weekly, and had convinced myself everything was going OK. Not fantastic, but OK. I could ignore my inexperienced and hostile boss, the back-biting politics, my own lack of social graces, and the pure misery of living with my about-to-be-divorced aunt and uncle, all in the center of a dusty, racist west Texas sheep-farming town where I didn't make one friend in three months.

I didn't realize how miserable I was until I left. It made me realize just how fantastic my family really is.

Now my best work friend is leaving campus for a month for surgery and recovery. I've finally given up on a dead-dead-dead dream I should have trashed this summer, and feeling like a looser and quitter for doing so. My supervisor doesn't know how to leverage my talent. I can't garner much enthusiasm for a job that once made me literally skip into the office. I hate how unattractive I am, and I hate that the most horrible day of the year is just a few dreadful weeks away. I hate that clothing company who won't send me buttons to fix my self-defense V-day dress. (Of course I have a date! Of course someone sent me flowers! I mean look at me! Do you think I'm wearing this dress for myself??) I hate that I'm letting my fear of rejection keep me from meeting a man who might actually have balls enough to be with me.

All day long I felt like men were staring at me. I thought it was paranoia until I looked in a mirror. This top with this particular bra shows off a small, brightly-colored mole previously hidden from public view. Too much information on display. And I have to work with these people again, tomorrow. I have to pretend I knew I looked like a slut. I'm too smart to have done it accidentally, right?

At least I have a home to play with. My favorite toy. My continual art project. My refuge. I get to work on the origami garland tonight, as one of my "fun" post-its. Right after I prepare my lecture for 3D animation.

Retraction

I am not "living a passive lie." That's an exaggeration.

I am waking from a dream, and as I hate waking up it's a slow process. People can't really fly, I know that.

More on Indian Summer

The Super CraftMaster sets retailed for $8.95. There were five of 'em, all pictured at paintbynumberz.com.

Wow -- "Super Master Craft kits, with a canvas that measured a whopping 24-by-36 inches, were also available and depicted April in Paris or Conflict at Sea. These rare kits can bring from $75 to over $100 on the secondary market. " As seen in the paintbynumberz archive, originally from Larry Rubin, Warman's Today's Collector, December 1999.

Realism vs Escapisim vs Commercialism

Yesterday I threw a book across the room. I don't do that. (Not unless someone is wanting to catch said book!) But yesterday was a bad day, and one stinking paragraph in the book recalled (all to vividly!) exactly what I was reading to escape from.

What do you do when your favorite escape doesn't work any longer? When you mind independently and stupidly insists on recycling a going-nowhere issue until you almost hate yourself? Is this what drives people to drink?

I have always been, for my entire life, an escape artist. People who listen to me bitch don't really believe me, but I can turn the bitching off in minutes given the proper incentives. A good book, maybe a pizza, a warm shower . . . a room that needs painting, the right song at the right time, the right movie . . . give me the prompt I need, and suddenly I've forgotten all about the issue until something brings it back to my attention. There are exceptions, of course, but they're once-a-semester type exceptions. The day-to-day stuff is really water.

But now I can't escape. I'm in a bind where action itself is unethical, where change is wrong. The stale-ist stalemate ever. I'm living a passive lie, and I hate it.

About the only outlets I have are food (fat grams) and shopping (maxxed out credit cards).

So I did the only logical thing possible -- took my mother shopping, and talked her into buying me stuff.

We hit all the major thirfts. I walked out with a bunch of books and a new decorating dilemma.

This, please remember, is my fireplace corner with the bullfighters. I need to replace the window screen behind the Paint-By-Number paintings, but I'm pleased with the color and texture.



Then today Thrift Town gave me an especially wonderful treasure -- a huge paint-by-number. I mean giant. It measures (in the frame) a whopping 40 inches across, and is 31 inches high. Mine, for the amazingly low price of $5.99. That's less than I paid for my other four PBNs combined.



So do I go with the bullfighters, or with this massive PBN? It's going to be a while before I can hang the PBN. There was a nail anchored into the center of the fireplace, but I pulled that unneeded eyesore last night after I got the bullfighters in place. I'd have to get my B-I-L to re-anchor next weekend. If I choose the PBN. Which only makes sense, as my other PBNs are right below it.

Anyway, this was such a large PBN I decided to see what eBay said about it. PBNs are collectible now. The highest-selling, of course, feature kitsch like flamingos, African dancers, tropical islands, cowboys, and ballerinas. More common PBNs, like puppies, kittens, clowns, famous art, and landscapes, are a drug on the market. I felt mine had to be uncommon, though -- it's so big!

A half-hour in eBay showed me that, yes, mine is largest. (grin.) I only found five over thirty inches wide.

I called my Mom to tell her about my research. She was in front of her PC, and typed "paint by number" into Google and gasped. "I've found it! I found your painting!"

She read off the URL, and I recognized it instantly -- si.edu. My painting (OK, one just like it) is on the Smithsonian Institute website!!!

Seems the Smithsonian did an exhibit on PBNs, and my painting is one of the "cover girls" of the movement. Here is what the Smithsonian said about it:

Ultimately, the picture's "place" was in the mind's eye, enriching the hobbyist's view of the world. As one fan put it, "A tree used to be just a tree to me. Now I often see as many as ten different colors in a single tree." One of the largest and most detailed paint-by-number kits, Indian Summer featured a palette of ninety colors, ten of which may be seen in the tree, right foreground.

When I clicked the tiny hyperlinked image I discovered my painting is from Craft Master, part of their "Super" line. SM-404 to be exact.

Cool, huh? It's almost enough to make me start seriously eBaying for PBNs, but the truth is it's more fun just running across them in thrifts, like I did today.

I'm luck to have found it, and even luckier to have a mother who will support my bad taste, even if she has serious doubts about my sanity.

Now if I could just read without throwing a book across the room . . . .

State of the Art

My bull-fighting pictures languish on the fireplace hearth. I just can't get them hung. Who knew picture-hanging was an advanced skill?

Choosing where to hang pictures is the easy part, despite what "how to hang a picture" gets you on Google. The hard part is getting all the hanging hardware attached to the frame. I went through about fifty Google entries trying to find the answer, but it remains elusive. Changing the search parameters isn't any help, either.

Finally, after forty-five minutes and a very sore thumb, one of the bullfighters was ready. I picked up a nail, and started hammering it into the mortar between two of the fireplace bricks. In a spot a littl eover my head, hidden from view by a decorative sticking-out brick. The nail went in easily . . . too easily. When I let go it fell out.

It seems R, in the past, has hung a picture in the same spot. Only instead of leaving the nail in place, like she has all over the rest of the house, she pulled it out. So I basically have a nail-sized mortar hole where I need a nail to rest securely. I'll have to re-mortar.

Why is this all so difficult? Can't anything about this house be easy????????

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's funny sometimes, how many dust collectors are in this world, and how many of them end up in our houses. Why do we have a need to decorate with indifferent nonfunctional objects? Decorative balls, for instance. Could someone explain this one to me? Why would anyone want a bunch of wooden balls in a bowl? Ditto decorative glass. Oh, I can see high-quality art glass, like Dale Chihuly, but who needs a bunch of same-as vases to collect dust and fill space? And so-called "collector's plates." And souvenir spoons. And anything produced by the Franklin Mint.

Curtains, too. Why have windows if you're just going to swath them in yards of over-priced fabric? I don't have a problem with sheers that protect privacy while letting in light, but who needs a valance or a swag? Like I'd ever bother to take it all down and throw it in the washer. I'm single -- it takes two people to hang this kind of crap!

(sigh) It's not like I'm guiltless, though. I am, after all, the proud creator of a basket of origami decorative balls. And I'm also the person who decorates eggshells. I also like globes (the geographic variety) and in the past two years, I'm ashamed to say, I've started buying candles.

My only saving grace is that I actually burn my candles instead of letting them live a dusty, unlit existence.

Sometimes I get a little scared. I have rice-paper lamps, probably the biggest interior decorating cliche of the new millennium. I have a paper wreath on my door. I bought four throw pillows!

And -- OK, fine, you pushed me into it, I'll admit all!!! -- earlier today I found myself thinking how curtains would add a nice shot of color to the living room wall.

I'm afraid I'm turning into something totally tasteless. Afraid one day soon people will drive past my house and see flamingos and gnomes congregating near the porch. Afraid I'm turning into -- gods, no -- my mother.

(later)

The bullfighters are in place. I decided to just move them up a brick, which took care of the mortar issue. Now that they're in place I'm not sure I like them. They seem to call too much attention to the symmetry of the brickwork. (sigh).

More proof I'm turning into my Mom -- I want to go to a movie but I don't want to go alone. What's with that? I'm good at seeing movies by myself.

Guess I'll spend the evening making more origami for the garland and doing pre-Merry Maids cleaning. Gods only know what I'll do tomorrow. Its's an enforced holiday -- the school is closed for a water main break. Three days off in a row without anything to do is more than enough.

Shopping Nirvana

Today is a school holiday, so I picked up my Mom this morning and hit the thrift stores. Almost everyone was having a sale, so my entertainment budget went further than usual. Found some really amazing things -- a bunch of professional clothing that actually fit, for starters, which is RARE in my size. A bunch of screenes used for paper-making, which I've always wanted to try. Two audio books on CD -- The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, and The Nanny Diaries. Two cute tins, one art nouveau, one with little Victorian girls having a tea party. A staple-less stapler, which I've been wanting for a while but haven't wanted to pay more than $5 for.

Today's big bonanza, though -- pictures for my bare walls!! Thrift Town had an interesting original abstract piece in purple tones that will look good in the studio, and it was only $1.40.



Then I found a nice original small primitive-looking piece at Texas Thrift for 99 cents. I know exactly where to hang this one, too. It's really sweet, especially the oversized fish swimming in the water. The girls are all wearing pink and the boys are all wearing blue. And the water fowl are great. What more could a person ask?



I passed up one painting I should have purchased, but my Mom is going back for it later this week. It's huge -- 3 feet across -- and features a vase of arranged flowers sitting on the grass with a blue sky behind them. It's a little strange. After all, who would place an arrangement on the ground like that? It would be perfect behind my bed as a headboard, or I might put it in the study over the file cabinets. Have to think about this.

My favorite find, though is a set of bullfighting prints. They are incredible, just on the verge of being really tacky. Actually they probably ARE really tacky, but I love them. They look great over my fireplace.



I really do love bad art. It helps me feel more confident about my own art, and reminds me that it's all really about the act of creation. The artwork isn't important. The changes art makes on a person's soul are what matters.

Here is a sampling of my own feeble steps in that direction -- my asket of origami balls. They're stellated octahedrons, to be precise.





(10:50 PM) I have don't wanna-work itis. I need to prepare a syllabus and work on stuff for the new video game program, but I'd honestly rather walk around my house doing not much of anything. I bought stuff for about twelve short-term home improvement projects so I could feel like I was accomplishing something this week (other than work-related stuff). I'm in danger of finishing all twelve projects tonight.

Been thinking about this whole Merry Maids thing. There are twenty zones of clutter in my house. My current goal (starting tomorrow!) is to de-clutter one zone a day, so when Merry Maids arrives they can actually navigate through my house. Some areas, like the study and the counters in the studio, are going to take more work than others. I can do htose on weekends. I'd actually like to have everything cleaned about two weeks before the party because there are some areas I want to re-paint before everything gets rolling. Well, it's good to have goals, I guess. Maybe I should get the house cleaned BEFORE sending out invitations. That would be a surefire way to make sure I'm ready.

Decided I need to sell some of my stuff on eBay to finance this party. I still have a few games from my vintage board game collection. I'll pay a visit to Mom's house on Friday and see if I can't find enough of my stuff to raise a hundred dollars a week.

Cats, Books, and Blues

The fancy cat door I purchased isn't as useful as I hoped, mainly because the damn cats refuse to use it. I've resorted to placing canned cat food on the outside and letting them cry until I can't take it any more. Today I left the house, and when I came home both cats were outside. Victory might be around the corner.

Feeling a little blue, so this evening I did what always makes me feel better -- I shopped. Made the mistake of shopping at the bookstore, and walked out with $60 in novels. My checking account currently has about $20, and here I am charging novels. The bank is certainly making money off that automatic $1000 overdraft.

The bedroom floor is coming along. I have one spot on it I had to sand and re-touch today. (I thought the floor was dry enough for a second coat of sealer but it wasn't, and all the roller bristles stuck to the floor!) I'll apply more sealer tomorrow, and late next week the stenciling can begin.

Classes start Tuesday. I'm not ready. I should be finishing my calendar and syllabus now, but I'm tired of working.

Planning to throw a party for mid-February. Probably on the 18th. My guest list is HUGE -- over 40 people, mostly academics, relatives, and students -- and my house just can't hold that many. I need to pare it down to about twenty. I wish I knew more uncommitted singles. At present I know exactly one, and I'm tired of always dragging him into things like a pseudo-boyfriend. I want to invite him, but I also want to invite others so we won't look like a couple-in-training. He isn't romantically interested in me, and it isn't fair to him to have people constantly thinking we're together. Plus it's bad for me -- I'm not looking as hard as I should be, because I'm so comfortable with him.

Anyway, throwing a party means I'll have to finally have Merry Maids clean my dreadful house. I'll also have to finish the bedroom floor so I can buy a mattress and move myself back into the bedroom. I'd like better lighting, too.

It's going to be a game party. I haven't figured out all the games, but I do know I want Pit and Fluxx. I want to start with fast card games, and then move into some of the newer strategy games. Maybe that Settlers of Catan everyone is talking about, or Cascarones or Puerto Rico.

I want to make cool invitations out of all those game pieces I've saved. Altered art invitations. They need to go into the mail in two weeks.

Well, I shot my last free day in the foot. All these clouds disrupted my body clock, so I slept until 4:00 PM. Just great. I have to wake up at freaking 7:00 AM tomorrow. How am I supposed to get to sleep tonight?

No musuem. Damn it. I really wanted to see this exhibit!

OK, there has got to be something positive I can write about . . . .

I organized my voluminous origami paper collection. It used to be stored in small Todd Oldham drawers on my bookcase, taking up over half a shelf of valuable space. And it was hard to find the paper I needed at any given moment. So I've spent part of my valuable weekend cutting down file folders to house the paper vertically. Now it takes up less than half the space, and is easier to work with. Big Lots had some green organizer baskets for $1.00 each, so I bought two. The papers seems to like their new home.

Gods, I do sound desperate for fun, don't I? Paper organization, for crying out loud!! There has got to be something I can do.

(five minutes later) OK, I found a romantic comedy at the dollar theater at 7:30. I can eat and buy groceries before it starts. I need fun. I really, really do.

Impulses

I'm watching my father assemble my latest impulse purchase -- a recumbent exercise bike. Supposedly you can exercise on this thing while reading, which sounds like something I might be able to actually do for a repeated length of time. The bike is going in the middle of the study, surrounded by bookcases and the television. I've also impulse-bought a large paper cutter, some decorative hole punches, and a few packs of scrapbooking die cuts.

Work starts again on Monday, and I'm feeling very anti-work. I want to be in the classroom, but I don't want to put up with any of the administrative BS like last semester. Honestly, I shouldn't have to have screaming arguments about my contract. Or pick up the pieces in that once-fantastic committee the interim VP sucked all the life out of. Plus I have a presentation for return week that I'm supposed to give as part of a group on Tuesday, but our group hasn't done anything at all. Most of this group are also on the moribund committee, and we just can't scrape up enough enthusiasm for anything. Then there's that awful, tense, racially-charged atmosphere in my division that I certainly don't want to be part of. I should really float my resume, but I keep reminding myself of the benefits of my job. Like my fantastic house, my five-minute commute, my wonderful students and adjuncts, a few treasured co-workers, and a 30-hour/week commitment with at least three weeks off between semesters. And a shopping metropolis I grew up knowing inside out, and comparatively few days of cold weather.

So my work-related impulse is to quit my job, but I have to hold out. I have to remember that administrators come and administrators go but faculty is forever. And I like all my co-workers, barring about half of my department.

Other impulses aren't so easy to deal with. Right this second I would kill for chocolate cake or some Starbuck's chantico. I would also like to make a few phone calls and see if I can make tomorrow, the day before drudgery begins, a day to remember. But I'm not going to. All my school friends are responsibly preparing for the onslaught. I'm (as usual) the only truant.

Maybe I should sleep early, wake up early, and go to the Dallas Museum of Art to see the Dialogs exhibit I've been promising myself. I need something to hold close to my heart next week.

Flight of Fancy

I've been 'doing' origami for several years now. I can't say it's all that creative (not the way I do it -- straight-from-the-book) but I enjoy selecting paper and making the precise folds. It's challenging, relaxing, and colorful.

The more abstract, geometric shapes are my favorites. I like folding large polyhedra, too, although I'm not good at those. Recognizable shapes like cranes or frogs or airplanes only get folded to entertain my nieces and nephews.

When my sister C's family, my parents, and I lived together C. and I would use origami on the Christmas tree, something that my Mom tolerated but didn't exactly love. With the little kids in the house, though, it was perfect. Who cares if they took the ornaments off the tree? We could always make more. My Mom's antique glass ornaments weren't all that child-friendly.

In my new house I started using an old silver-foil tree, and the origami didn't look right on it so I abandoned the tradition. But I missed it.

Yesterday at Hobby Lobby I bought a large scrapbook "stack" -- a pad of 72 sheets of paper with a similar theme. I bought it because the papers were cool and retro, and because I have trouble resisting paper when it's 50% off. I didn't have any plans for the paper, but when I looked at it in my living room it hit me that this could be the paper for a Tomoko Fuse-inspired origami quilt. The colors are prefect for the living room, and the paper's huge size (8x8") will make the entire project easier. So I started practicing, making simple star ornaments just to get my knack back.

After an hour ten small stars in various colors were scattered across my coffee table. I really liked them, and wanted to actually do something with them, instead of throwing them into the trash. I kept thinking of the simple origami garland at PaperRoutes, my favorite artisan paper store, and decided to build on the theme.

This is a very-very-very bad photo. It was taken at 12:30 in bad lighting without a flash as the metallic papers reflected the flash too much, and leveled within an inch of its life to compensate for the low lighting. The distracting background has been hastily and badly blurred. It's a horrible photo, but I think it still captures the essence of my new project. Oh for a decent camera!!!!!!! A real SLR with depth-of-field and shutter speeds.

I'm going to make garlands of origami. The garlands will lead from the top of the bookcases to the ceiling fan in the center of the room, forming a canopy (of sorts) over the sofa. At first I was concerned it would be too droopy, and my taller visitors would walk into it. Then it hit me that I never have visitors, and it's made of paper so it's not like it could hurt anyone.



I have a lot of folding to do -- how fun!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All this creativity has made me long for my studio. Right now it's just an odd dumping ground for everything in the house that doesn't have a permanent home. A cold, poorly-lit, badly-configured dumping ground.

The cat door I inherited from R (a hole cut in the side of the house) has been boarded up so freezing-cold air doesn't rush into the room any longer, thanks to my B-I-L. It's still cold, but a little insulation and drywall should fix it. If he has time he'll let me hire him again at the end of the month, after I get a paycheck.

We'll also hang a new ceiling fan with a nice, bright halogen fixture so I can actually SEE in that room. R. installed a one-bulb 100-watt-max fixture, which just isn't sufficient. I'm also going to get a few of those daylight lamps to set on the counters. Plus IKEA has some under-cabinet lighting I want to use on the shelf I put in that room.

Lastly, my B-I-L will help me install GFCI sockets. We'll also mount surge protectors a few inches above the counter so I can have power wherever I need it, without having to crawl around on the floor.

At that time I can move my egging off the kitchen counter, move the altered book/calendar stuff off the coffee table, and move the origami off the side table. I can put my scissors and paint and adhesives back in the studio where I can find them. Where I can spill colorful stuff without worrying about the upholstery.

I can't wait.

Kinko's Paradox / Creativity Resolution

Back from Kinko's, pondering the management prowess behind the Kinko's on MacArthur in Las Colinas. It's the only local 24-hour Kinko's, which means it's the one I'm most likely to visit since I like to run errands after 11:00 PM.

Oddly enough, it's the one with the large, dark parking lot. The parking lot without lights. HELLO? Who runs a twenty-four hour business with an unlighted parking lot? I've actually abandoned a trip once because I couldn't get a place near the door and didn't feel safe parking out in all that darkness. And it's not like the employees can watch for my safety. The service counter is at the BACK of the store, about twenty yards away from the front door.

Is it bad design? Poor management? Deliberate malice?

You'd think, too, that the 24-hour Kinko's would be the one with all the bells and whistles. It seems logical to me. Group all your most exotic services in one place and keep it open all hours. The need for late-night exotics might make the 24-hour thing pay off.

This Kinko's, though, is a continual disappointment. Half the time they don't have the paper or machinery or ability to print my jobs. Tonight I discovered they didn't have ANY legal-sized card stock on hand, even though it's standard enough to be in the "Our Papers" book sitting on their counter. They recommend I use the other Kinko's, the one on Airport Freeway. The one that doesn't open again until 7:00 AM.

I have to research copy shops. There must be something better around here!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Creativity: Today I collaged another page in the calendar, painted over some rough spots on the bedroom floor (I think this sealer might work!), made an academic-year calendar for my electronic organizer, and re-designed two pages in my teaching planner.

I'm thinking about adding a third resolution, one dealing with getting up at the same time each day, seven days a week. Maybe.

Paper or Plastic?

It's the start of a new semester -- time for me to pretend to get organized again. I'm actual very good at getting organized, but suck when it comes to staying organized. I love putting together new, more efficient systems, but three weeks into the semester I've trashed the system completely.

The big organization dilemma has struck again -- paper or plastic? A paper-based system is easy to work with, but it isn't digital so I'm likely to leave it sitting around the house somewhere. A tech-based (plastic computer parts) system will live on my TabletPC and be close at hand, but in all honesty updating a TabletPC still isn't as easy as updating a piece of paper.

I'm probably going to "go digital" because I don't want to waste time setting up my printer, and because I owe it to my profession. Plus it makes me look good -- everyone is impressed when I actually use the TabletPC instead of treating it like a toy. This means kissing my beloved Rollabind system good-bye, but it's not like I was using it to its fullest potential.

I need to run to Kinko's in a few minutes. Several weeks ago I designed flyers and table toppers for this semester's Learning Communities. (THANKS to all the wonderful photographers at morguefile.com!) Due to circumstances beyond my control they weren't ever printed, so tonight I'm going to use my own money to get it done, and ask for reimbursement later. The flyers are below. The table toppers are almost identical, except they have a lot more white space as the class descriptions are on the reverse.

Code Woes

I hate programming, I really really do. I'm fairly competent in Visual Basic, ASP and ActionScript, but when I leave those languages for something new I find myself drowning in Code Hell in less than five minutes.

My latest project is quite specific, arising from a need I'm experiencing in my classroom. In my evening classes I usually start lecturing ten to fifteen minutes after class officially begins. This gives everyone time to get out of the office, drive to campus, find a parking space, use the bathroom, call baby-sitters, check email, boot the PC, ask questions . . . basically time to move their minds from one space (work) into a new space (school). Some educators are initially appalled by my "wasted" time, but please remember I have a four-hour class. We can spare fifteen minutes.

While I like this "transition time" I think it could be more effective. In the past I've shown a PowerPoint presentation in automated "kiosk" mode, where a new slide flashes up every ten seconds. The slides contain information like

• Today's lecture topic
• Approaching due dates & homework
• Software tips -- especially "hot keys"
• Books I've found valuable
• Logic problems
• Inspirational quotes on art, technology, creativity, etc.
• Screen shots of websites we'll be discussing in lecture

I liked using the PowerPoint because I could roam the room and interact with students who needed individual attention. Students could focus on the material as needed, as they relaxed into the class routine.

I hated using PowerPoint because, well, it's PowerPoint. It's a SLOW authoring environment. I have to export the files for the web (painful at best) or upload huge bit-laden proprietary files. PowerPoint, in my opinion, is one more obstacle between the user and the information. Anything that gets between the browser and the student is BAD, be it Flash or PowerPoint or Java or anything else that can somehow kill the information flow.

So imagine my delight when Molly Holzschlag demonstrated the CSS-based Opera Show at the League of Innovation Conference. It's everything I wanted . . . except . . . no kiosk mode. I'd have to sit there and hit the "enter" key, which defeats the purpose. I tried programming around it, but Opera has assigned functions to almost every keyboard key out there, and I couldn't find a way to subvert that "feature." Plus there isn't much documentation on JavaScript and Opera, so I couldn't even figure out where to start.

Then I stumbled across Dan Raggett's (of HTML Tidy fame) HTML Slidy, which is basically the same thing but not browser-dependant. But the same problem cropped up -- no kiosk mode. No problem, I thought. We're dealing with IE and Firefox now. I handed the problem over to Susan, my lab assistant, confident she would have something for me by the end of the semester.

When Susan couldn't make anything happen I tried to do it myself, and started pulling my hair out. This should be simple!!!!! I have four tasks. Four simple little tasks. And I can't get ANY of them to work.

1. Do cross-browser keyboard detection to start and end the slide show.
2. Use setInterval to arrange for a five-second delay between slides.
3. Send a fake "space" or "click" command to the browser to move to the next slide
4. Encapsulate the entire kiosk mode as a separate .js file

I could get the setInterval to work. That's it. Nothing else has worked at all.

I've spent about sixteen hours on this so far, with little to show for my efforts.

I hate programming.

Windows Shopping

I wish that poly coating would freaking dry. I'm tired of doing nothing.

Anyway, it's "window shopping" when you do it live, but Windows Shopping (note the plural copyrighted term) when you do it virtually.

Today's finds: A cool CD room divider for $48 from Target, and an art desk, $101, also from Target.

'Illicit Affair' Photos

Two bad, over-flashed photos of the 'illicit affair' calendar. I'm trying to let Mr. Morris do most of the work.

Coat 18 and Counting!!

Pausing for a break between coats 18 and 19 on the legendary bedroom floor. I'm tentatively optimistic. The brown went down yesterday and looks fabulous. Tonight is the real test -- I'm applying the polyurethane. The first coat is drying on the floor now. I'll know shortly if this stuff shows every unfortunate air bubble and brush stroke.

If it works I'm to wait four hours and apply a second coat. Then I have to let everything dry and cure for three days before I can start the stenciling. And after stenciling I get to coat with more poly.

If it doesn't work I'm going to burn my house down. Or maybe just buy carpet. Or move. Moving would be fun -- I can pare my life down even further. Soon there won't be anything left of me.

My niece and nephew have recently taken turns spending the night with me. My nephew and I went to an arcade, watched movies, and played video games. My niece and I watched too many preteen movies (Lindsey Lohan and Hillary Duff), made paper jewelry, had a strange sporadic conversation about grammar, and celebrated New Year's with our new tradition -- we bought new calendars and collaged them.

R bought an animal mother & baby calendar, and added clothing to the animals along with comic speech balloons revealing what the animals are really thinking. So far I've finished one month of mine, and have three other months planned out. It's a William Morris calendar I've re-named "An Illicit Affair." It's about trying to blend modernisim with the lushness of the early Arts & Crafts movement. Silly, not to mention shallowly pendantic, but I'm enjoying myself which is what this whole resolution is supposed to be about. I just need a hole punch so I can work on February.