Financial Straits

Finally surrendered and bought something pretty after an entire day of browsing. I've been very good -- I left the stackable trays (on my want list for over a year) and the entertainment center and the almost-right mirror and the curtains and everything else I've been enchanted with.

This wind chime won.



After all, it isn't really a wind chime. It's a poor-woman's burglar alarm.

Gods, I have got to get my finances under control. I need to have something in my life I can count on. I can't control my career, or my weight, or my heart. I must control my finances. I have to get out of this (not very) large debt, and start paying attention to my spending habits.

(later)

My curtain rods, which I slaved over, are crooked. And not a little crooked, either, but about two inches off. How is this possible?

This party is a bad idea. My home is a mess, I can't fix it by myself, and I don't want to cook all that damn food or clean any more. I have eleven days until the party, and enough of a mess to make me cry. Hell, I have cried. Broke down in tears when I saw the curtain rod.

I wish I had enough money to hire two or three people to just come do things at my direction. People to carry boxes from one room to another, people to wrap glassware and store it in the garage, people to hang the new surge protector behind the file cabinets and de-tangle my computer setup. Someone to quickly re-upholstery my vanity stool, and someone else willing to drive to the grocery store.

I wish I had friends, really good friends like in the past. I miss the days when I could call all the guys with a promise of home-cooked hamburgers, and in return get an afternoon's labor and laughter.

I don't want to go back, but I do miss elements of my past. I'm not finding much to laugh at here by myself.